I stare out my office window with a blank mind. Panic attacks me. At least I know this feeling and know it will pass. Please. It exhausts me. I feel sick. Lie on the couch and stare some more. Police are killing black people. They argue that we should wait until an investigation tells us what we see with our own eyes through on-site video. Cops shooting black men up close. Are we to ignore the context and our history? A country birthed in racism. Decades of brutal slavery. Gains from a civil war lost with the assassination of a president and a cowardly, racist Congress. Jim Crow segregating, dehumanizing black people. Black men returned to slavery, forced to work on chain gangs. White defiance of federal law. Imprisonment of black people hides continued segregation. One million black people reside in America’s prisons and jails, nearly half of all prisoners. Two million two hundred thousand (2,200,000) black people cannot vote because of a felony conviction, even after serving their sentences. Why do white (Republicans) need more voting restrictions?
A black man, former soldier, kills five white cops in Dallas. Another black man, former soldier, kills three cops, two white, one black in Baton Rouge. Paralysis. Sadness. Fear for what happens next. Gratitude for President Obama. Who is still hated and blamed.
A proto-fascist running for president of the United States. The choice of the angry, disaffected, racist white (largely) men. Our demons have been loosed. The worst elements of our nature. Sanctified, legitimized at the highest levels. White supremacists are no longer marginal. Trump retweets them. They support him.
Hatred for Hillary grows. She is not allowed to make mistakes. Misogyny is always hidden, even from ourselves. Polls say she and Trump are running neck and neck. Citizens dislike her as much as they dislike him. Few will vote with enthusiasm. Most say they will vote against. I remember an election stolen. I remember Joe McCarthy. I fear a coming Dark Age.